Saturday night and nobody's online.. why an i not surprised? Everybody else probably out choinging or something, whilst i'm here updating my little blog for all of you who are reading this.

Considering, i had a really good day actually, went for lunch with choir people then went bowling.. so long never bowl liao.. haha... anyway, after that they went to KTV, but i didn't follow lah, instead went down to church for mass, then went for dinner with some CYF people lah.... Did i ever mantion that Charmaine is a Babe! really, she's this really nice girl that looks really really good.. but oh well, as good as she looks, she's not really my type.. can't really talk to her lah, or maybe its cause i feel intimidated? haha dunno. oh well.. Anyway, got my mom to channel my allowance into my bank account, so i'll probably wait till next month to get the Debit MAsterCArd. cause i need sorta like need a minimun amount of cash in my account and i scared not enough cause my mom only put in a hundred. yeah, but feels good to be able to finally use the ATM machine again after like what, a year??? haha.. yeah i've been broke that long.. haha

I received a very pleasant Email from Felicia today, just read it and yeah replied.. haha, never thought i'd actually get an email. Well, Thanks for the mail! made my night!
Yeap, i'm very easily pleased, i'm a rather simple person, that likes simple things.. haha.. yeah right... anyway, that's also the way my sense of romanticism works, around the simple pleasures of life like food and enjoying each others company... I probably like simple things cause of my overwhelming need for simplicity in my life. i'm too complicated for my own good. Half the time i don't even know what i'm doing or thinking or feeling.. So that's why in the end i have a lot of time to myself, so i can sort things out and simplify them and understand them... understanding is very important to me, that's why i go all out when it come to trying to understand something or someone. Yeah, i wish more people understood me, then again, that's why i have this, so people will know what i'm feeling and what i'm about, so they can understand me better.

There's still nobody online... hopefully after mid night, everybody will start coming online, so i got people to talk to...

Hey People! Had a very interesting Conversation with Daf's Friend yesterday night. haha, well, details are in my ICQ History and most of which i shall not put up here casue well most of you are too young.... hasha no lah, just toolong to put up lah, basically just chatting with her and she's a rather interesting person with a wild and active imagination. why do i say that, cause for most of the etime last night, she's was just making up stuff and i was too tired to bother, so i played along lah. haha..
Then when i called daf this morning to ask her abt her friend, Daf was like going "Huh?" so i came online to my ICQ to check my history... haha make sure that it all took place instead of in my dream... I do hope that i'll be able to meet this friend of Daf's cause she is an intersting person, and she sent me a photo of what she's led me to believe that its her, and well, the person in the photo quite chio lah, but dunno whether her or not. haha yah so i have an ulterior motive, but she is rather imaginative. haha quite fun lah actually.

Well, on to today, what happened today, well, nothing. haha, suppose to go for class, but never go cause i wanted to sleep, the afer that went to school do stuff lah, run here run there, played a little bit of badminton. now my forearm aching like nobody's business man... haha.. even typing this is tiring it out, haha so yeah this isn't gonna be very long. After that went down to CYF, got there at abt 9.30, just in time for the last 20 mins of the video on the pope, then went over to macs, didn't get a cahnce to really hang out at macs, cause everyone had to go back already... yeah, tomorrow shiok, going to a lunch buffet.. haha.... at Grassroots club.... looking forward to tomorrow actually. good to actually hang out with my choir people cause we rarely get to hang out with each other.

Not many people online tonight, so i'm left alone here with my thoughts again. I wonder if i'll get to meet the girl from yesterday night... and well i'm wishing she was online now to make my night more interesting. Yeah, it was sorta refreshing to have something out of the blue happen. haha, as u gather not much really happens to me, at least not this kinda interesting stuff lah. it should happen more often... Haha.....

I'm left to wonder now, how do i look? in the world, am i ugly or not good looking? or Ok? or good looking? yeah, i actually do wanna know what people think of how i look, when it comes to physical appearances, i am very insecure.... I wish sometimes i'd look like a movie star or some hunk that everybody thinks is cute... u know what i mean lah, its just one of those things lah.... Just been feeling quite insecure lately, mostly attributed to the fact that most of the time i'm like the invisible quiet guy that no one notices and nobody asks out... yeah..... that's pretty much what my life is like, being alone.. not like i'ma loner by choice, just that after a while cause of living that kinda life, it just grows on you and becomes you, that's what happened to me, as much as i don't wanna be aloner anymore, i dun really have a choice if people don't wanna include cause they think i'm weird or different, and because of that they don't wanna include me into their "circle"

Personally i feel weird asking to be included, u know what i mean, its like they're doing someting, then u ask, what u doing? then after that they ask u if u wanna come along, i feel weird doing that... its as if they ask me cause they're being nice and they don't want me around at all loh........ then again it might just be me lah... on the bus back just now was sharing with Daf that i missed the times when it was just the 2 of us hanging out with each other. I'm just so comfortable with her, at ease, and dun have to watch my tongue and all that, can just say what is on our minds knowing that nothing will be taken to heart... haven't actually had a good conversation with her in a very very long time.... ever since she got attached to evan, its as if she's drifted away. I'm not jealous, but just feeling neglected, but of course naturally, school and evan take priority lah. so yeah.. just saying that i miss her... Oh well, Sigh.....


guess that's pretty much it for the night..
Night guys

Back again, Just got back form choir! wah.. super tired today. Managed to finish running through our notes for Jeckyll And Hyde! Very nice song. The themes of the song change from love to blood, then back to love, then to murder, then finally salvation. sorta like the entire life of Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde ebing sung out. all we need is to inject the emotion and work on out dynamics. after this we are gonna do Les Miserables! Yeah, all medleys from the musicals... Very nice... Stealth brought this Swing piece down, and a few of us were up in the club roomlearning it, its actually quite easy and quite catchy. haha, very fun to do! i hope we really get to do it, let miss change hear it and she'll love it man! haha......

Its like 12:18 AM now, and well, just waiting for my hair to dry before i go to bed. think i'll have to print out the new time table and use it from now on... couldn't find my PEM anywhere today. Cause i got problem with my time table and i wasn't really happy abt it lah, so i went to look for her so complain and hopefully she could rectify my problem, obviously not lah, since i couldn't find her anywhere what se ever today. I guess i'm stuck with being Year 2 again... and i was so happy i'd get to do a few Year 3 modules this semster. Bloody Crap lah.. sigh.....

Right now, on my MP3 list, U2's I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For is playing and its a great song man.. well, brings to mind that i havem't found what i'm looking for, or well, found it and lost it cause i wasn't able to keep it..... my fault really..... oh well... I have to keep uo hope that i'll find it again. and that when i find it again i'll be able to keep it going and make it last. Learnt my lesson and i won't make them again.....

I like night time, the mometns of clarity and realization, when you're al alone and able to think abt what goes on in your life, how you've dealt with things and how u've treated ppl. Just make me realize that i am a human being, not someone who's superhuman, i make mistakes and i learn from them. I also realize how much i've cahnged from what i used to be. I guess i've made the right choices to be where i am now. Close to God, close to my friends, and being able to love all of them the way God wants me to. I miss all the good times i've had, with everyone.... All my Failed relationships, i cherish each and everyone of them, and i miss all of them, some more than others. All have made an impact in my life.

Well, i leave you with a few thoughts...
What is love? a real relationship? Is there really such a thing as "The One" out there?

Its the early evening and i'm bored to death, abt to leave for choir soon, cause i guess steph wants me to help her do some research in the Library in Toa Payoh, so yeah help her first before choir lah, since she also going. hopefully she can pay me back today. Which reminds me, i have to go change her number in my hp... gimme a min

*min over*

okay am back, changed liao. haha.. Anyway, what do i wannna talk abt now?
I have no freaking idea, haha, yeah, just randomly typing words that come to my head and hopefully it makes coherant sense....
If you realized by now most of the time i'm bored to death haha so yeah i talk abt nothing. GOsh i love choir. haha, its cause of the music. learning how to read the notes, learning how to use the voice box properly, i can say that one of the strongest muscles in my body is my diaphram. yeah. haha i sing a lot and and prett ymuch a choirster.

I added my email address to the links side, so you can always drop me a mial anytime you want after reading this or anything lah, just feel free to mail me. i enjoy getting emails from friends. haha yah. i ownder how many hits on this blog do i actually get...too bad got no way to track it down...

Today, saw Iris, Eileen, Yan Yan, Chang Hong and a few others. ppl i haven't seen in like almost more than 6 months due to my always runnign around school to attend classes... haha i guess i'm like one of those that get around school quite often that i meet like ppl i know everywhere i go, actually not only in school, but even in town, its like i'm walking down a corridor in school ororchard road and i'll meet someone. haha quite interesting lah, it got to the point once that it happened so often that marcus and gang were like going, "Marcus, u very well connected ah, everywhere u go got ppl say hi to you, mostly girls somemore", then all i'll do is wink and say "of course". haha. Back in Sec 4, i pretty much had more friends who are girls that almost everybpdy else in my level, except those who are active in their churches lah.. yeah... oh well..

I miss the good old secondary school days. its true that the friends u make in secondary school stick with you throughout life. haha. imiss all the old pranks my classmates used to play on the teachers as well as on the other classmates. they never did anything to me though, haha i was the only one who could protect them form the other teachers. haha.. advantages of being class coucillor...

Now, well, i can say i've found good friends in school, the guys in VE are truly good pals, sticking with each other through performances and stuff. Did i mention the camp was great. I'm actually quite tempted to join the ODAC, cause of the adventure thing, at the same time, work out, get stroner, tanner. haha. i think i'm actually tanner than before now, thanks to exposure to the sun.

Ah well, Basically this blog was abt nothing, just for things that come to mind and i just let them out here. lalala..... Just wanted to kill sometime and i managed to kil a few minutes here. *screaming sound* *evil maniacle laughter*
Haha.. i hope u got that, though it was quite lame, i'm quite lame anyway lah. probably one of the corniest people alive. i eat a lot of corn too. haha....
gosh...........

blog again some other time.........
ciaoz

Was reading Lester's and Sherwin's Journals tonight. very interesting reads. I like reading other peoples journals, especially of people that i don't really know. yah helps me find out more abt them and to a certain extent understand them better, i definately have to do something abt getting to know the 2 of them better. even thought i've like been around for like 3 years, yet, never really got to know them very well. Despite learning so much from the 2 of them

Have been talking to Sam recently, such a sweet girl, so cute too.. if i wasn't so old, i would actually try to woo her. haha.. but what to do? so old liao.. haha
Talked to Shao Bing on ICQ a day or 2 ago... yeah, to a certain extent, she still loves me, and i stil love her, for those who don't know, she's my ex-girlfriend, and so far, well, only a few ppl know how much she actually means to me and how much she still means to me. Anyway, I made a last attempt to get her back, b4 i really give up and move on. but anyway, i asked her to give me a chance to patch up the last periods of our relationship, to make things right, but at first she said no, she didn't want to cause she was afraid that things would turn out the same and she doesn't want to go through the same things again, so yah, i said fine and we'll just remain the way we are now. then after that the next day, i saw her online again, and she tells me that she actually isn't sure abt it, and that to take it as a maybe, so right now i'm like at the point where i'm just waiting for her to confirm it, and no matter what her reply will be, i'm gonna take it like a man and carry on from there.

After talking to Sam, and reading Lester and Sherwin's journal, sometimes well it make me think back to the days when i was a leader. it wasn't easy but gosh it was fun... miss those times, when we were all like one big family. I recently heard that Davina was now an advisor, and as much as the rest of them are happy, i personally have my doubts, and since i'm not an advisor, i have no say. Besides i don't have what it takes to be one anyway, not like they'd actually invite me in lah, just wishing. haha. Well, i guess after working with her, i just feel that though she's taken a lot of shit from being president, i guess she's just a liittle to emotional and takes somethings personally. yeah as i said, its just me lah. Oh well.......

I might start going back to CYF a little more often that i planned to cause of Sam, Jobeth, Jacinta, Judette, Ethelbert, u know the new ones. somehow i can connect with them better. yeah like recently been talking to Sam, I really enjoy our little chats, about everything and anything. Its just a refreshing way to end off the day, talking to someone who's a really great listener and a really sweet girl too. She really just brightens up the night and makes everything interesting. Thanks Sam!!!!!!! Luv Ya!!!!

Hmm i wonder when Jobeth will get to read this. haha.. maybe i'll just start opening this thing to other people. since the crowd that read this is getting larger. hmm. when i do i'll still be writing the same stuff, so it won't change, now if only i could get ppl to leave me messages, haha.... yeah. hmmmmm...
Am gonna miss CYf sessions for the next 4 months man... Night classes on Fridays. Apparently, my classmates aren't all that bad, know quite a few of them, so i don't feel like such a stranger anymore. Oh well.

I guess i should be gettting to bed now, quite late. got 1 hour of school tomorrow at 12. haha. yeah then i have to go to UOB abnk to enquire about their campus visa. hopefully i can get one soon. need the spare cash.....

Anyway, good night!

what's the world coming to.....
Can't girls just like u know like guys not turn towards lesbianism?? basically i know a few ppl who are lesbians lah, and i have nothing personal against a lesbian, its just that i don't like the idea of homosexuality. its just not right. how are you ever gonna have children? I'm not against it, i don't like it, that's all...
Gosh, u know something ironic in the world, the vast majority of lesbians actually look really really good, and they have really really good figures.. i mean, what's with that man...

I had this theory that girls become lesbians cause they just can't find the right guy, that has the qualities they are looking for.
i'll admit a sensitive guy is hard to find. well, they're an endagered species.. the rest of the guys are like Jerks! i'm hoping that i'm one of those in between.
Seriously, especially in Singapore, where the traditional chinese male chauvanistic mentality still plagues our society. And a vast majority of guys my age are all wanna be ah bengs.. the real ones are long gone. all grown up... and right now are no longer ah bengs... Sigh..

Anywya, i think that might be why they turn lesbian, but also might also cause they are in a convent school and have little contact with guys.. it might be possible.. hmm..i wish i knew a psychiatrist, so i could ask. haha.. anyway... u know, since a lot of the really really good ones are all lesbians, guys like me, have no chance in hell of trying to get attached to one of them.. hahah...... hopeless lah. haha.....

No offence to any one who read this yeah? just my thought and views, and this is after all my blog where i post my thoughts and views so.. u know where i'm going with this.
Don't get pissed with me yeah?

kk, will stop here for now, maybe will post again later tonight

What did i do today, well, simply put, went for mass, went out with Sean, Kline, Caleb and Sam, bought MechWarrior Dark Age RPG booster pack, learnt how to play it form Sean, then came home to stone, now i'm trying to get to sleep, but i can't until i finish sending my frind sonething over ICQ....
I'm like so frigging tired now man!
then somemore tomorrow got school! Wah Kaoz!! Bloody Sian loh!!!!
Crappy... feeling really crappy now, damn irritated also lah... u know loh, when u're like so bloody tired and then ppl come online and ask u stupid questions when you're in no mood to humor them, its like. yeah that's how i'm feeling now. crappy!

argh!!!!!! crap crap crap crap crap..... everything's full of crap tonight!!!!

tomorrow its like, i'm in a totally new class again for like the 4th or 5th time since i started poly. i mean its crap loh, everybody so bloody Dao somemore. not like i dont't want to know you loh......

Crap lah, i'm going to bed!!!

Super irritated tonight lah, sorry lah, sorry everybody getting on my nerves lah....
"I only have one nerve left and you're stepping on it"

One of the best songs i've heard to far man.... read the lyrics, d/l the song, u won't regret it, casue its so good, and well, it touched me, the song speaks for it self,
Don't let hope Die!!!!

Artist: CREED
Album: Weathered
Title: Don't Stop Dancing


At times life is wicked and
I just can’t see the light
A silver lining
Sometimes isn’t enough
To make some
Wrongs seem right
Whatever life brings
I’ve been through everything
And now
I’m on my knees again
But I know I must go on
Although I hurt
I must be strong
Because inside
I know that many
Feel this way

Children don’t stop dancing
Believe you can fly
Away, away

At times life’s unfair and
You know it’s plain to see
Hey God I know
I’m just a dot in this world
Have you forgot about me?
Whatever life brings
I’ve been through everything
And now
I’m on my knees again

But I know
I must go on
Although I hurt
I must be strong
Because inside
I know that many
Feel this way

Am I hiding
In the shadows?
Forget the pain and
Forget the sorrows

But I know
I must go on
Although I hurt
I must be strong
Because inside
I know that many
Feel this way

Children don’t stop dancing
Believe you can fly
Away, away

Am I hiding
In the shadows?
Are we hiding
In the shadows?