I'm in school now, not feeling too good, i htink i might go back after this lesson and rest a while before choir tonight....
hopefully my stomach will have settled down by then. yeap, gonna have to be in school by 4 so can meet stealth to decide on what songs we are gonna do for our preview concert and also cause i'm meeting Aileen for dinner. haha.. yeah.. haven't chattedwith her in ages. she's always running around doing stuff. Oh i'm gonnaget to see Amanda again on Friday. hahahopefully lah. haven't seen her for a while so naturally i miss her. she's a really sweet girl that was in my group during her confirmation camp, same group as Aileen.

Can't wait for the holidays to come man. My parents aren't gonna be at home from monday to thursday cause the going to Genting with my maternal grandparents. the paternal side lives with me. yeap. for some of those who know me, know that i have a very complicated family tree cause its so damn big. haha oh well.....

Wonder what i'm gonna do for the 4 days man... hopefully i'll get to hang out with people.... I thought i'd get to attend CYF camp this year as a member, but now apparently, i'm a facillitator. haha... the only camp i've been for as participant in the last 3 years is Vocation Camp last november. haha.. i wonder why... oh well..

I think i'll stop here... will write again soon.

Sometimes i feel that Lester's thoughts echoes my own.....
Was reading his journal, and it brought awakened a lot of feelings i thought i put behind me....
What if i had found The One, and cause of what i did, i lost her?
What if i didn't bridge the gap to make friends with someone who could possibly have been The One?
What if i rushed into it, there by ruining the chances of a relationship happening with The One?
What if i'm not meant to have someone and spend the rest of my life alone?

There've been 3 so far that i've thought was The One, but apparently not....
frist one, nothing really materialized, but now she's one of the few that i truly call my friend.
second one, good friends now. got into a relationship for a while, but i guess i pushed a little too much and she wasn't prepared.
third one, nothingmuch to be said, good friend, thought everything is still pending, i got stuff to settle within myself before i can really say.

These 3 people, who are still part of my life, just blew me away when i met them, cause of the strength of their character and personality, the way they are grounded to earth, yet still are able to dream... well, i guess its pretty much what i'm looking for.

Might anything ever happen with either one of them?
i'm hoping... but things aren't as optimistic as i make them sound...
I'm not as optimistic as i used to be...
People change, I've changed....
Changed a lot... grown up? i don't know....

oh well......

Risk

To live is to love
To love is to risk
To risk is to live

What does it takes to Love?
What does it take to Risk?
Can i risk all that i have?
Am i willing to risk all i have?

Sometimes the risk is too great,
to the point its not worth it.
Sometimes the risk seems alright
and i go for it.

At times it has backfired
And i lost a friend
At times it didn't
And i gained a friend

How many relationships i've made and ruined,
I've lost count.
How many times i regretted not taking the risk,
I too have lost count.

Risk, the risk of living,
the risk of loving,
each with its own price
each with its own sacrifice.

Nothing much has been going on recently.....
Nothing much has changed.....

Still feel the same way about the same person, unfortunately i can't do anything about it...
Still feel the same way about choir, won't change till i get a break which is unlikely.

Feeling really tired now. played soccer today... yeah...

Have a crappy day tomorrow... lousy morning class and i'm also short on cash.... talk about a nice way to start the week...
BAH.........

Feels as though my friends are all disappearing one by one...
What to do, everybody else has other commitments.. and i guess they are more important so i shouldn't be one to complain.. it was just an observation i've made recently...
Yeah.. same old lonesome feeling... I envy the couples around.... i envy all those who have found their special someone.
When you go out to town, they are all around.. it gets to the point that it actually makes me sick... yeah... oh well, when i was attached i think i made a few ppl feel that way too.. . what goes around comes around i guess...

Risk...... Love is a risk... risking your heart, risking your friendships.. risking everything you know in your life for that one chance to be happy... to be truly happy with someone by your side sharing all your joys and sorrows.
Surprisingly, despite the huge risk involved, i get into it, not with fear, but with hope.. its an extention of the friendship, and thus making it grow into something else...
something better, something more intimate, something closer... of course you can get that with friendship, but its on a different level... strange how it works out, both good and bad, happy and sad..... I miss it.......