My mind's been racked with indecision....
So many factors to consider, so many possible outcomes....
Most of them very bad.....
Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me.....
Can i take this risk?
Should i ask?
I may not have anything to lose.....
Won't be around for much longer anyway,
but this extend not only this period of time, but what i decide to do will decide the outcome of something that would last me a lifetime.
It sound really drama doesn't it?
i guess in my mind thats what its like.
Yet, as bad as the acting may be in soap opera's....
There are some truths into how the characters react.....
If only i had some hint as to what her reply would be....
a hint as to how she would react....
that would make it so much easier, but right now i'm walking blind.
I still have time to consider, i still have time to think about it.....
I don't know what to do......
I can't afford to ruin it.....
I can't afford to make anything worse......
Yet with somethings, risks have to be taken......
Can i afford to take this risk?
Can i afford to perhaps lose something thats still precious to me?
I don't know..... i really don't.....
Racked with indecision.......
Brain's exploding from trying to make my choice.......
If only i had a hint........
if only i had some guidance.......
if only i could see the future.....
if only.....

To be perfectly honest, right now, i'm freaking out......
Over what am i freaking out and why?
Can't say..........
All i can say its about a choice i'm about to make....
could either help, or could make stuff worse.....
Freaking out.... Panicking......
Should i ask or not?
DDay is coming, should i ask or not?
What will the reply be?
Will i even get a reply?
Will asking make things worse or will it help?
Will things work out?
So many questions, answers all i have no clue to.....
The last time, i had a hint, a little help in the form of an email from someone.....
this time i don't have, unless a hint comes again.....
Scared, petrified, Afraid.
simply put i'm freaking out.....
freaking out really really badly.....

As i sit here, in this room of mine,
my mind likes to wander, my mind likes to ponder.
it seems like it has a favorite place to roam.
this place is where i keep the thoughts of you.

I smile when i think of you.
I laugh when i hear you laugh.
I cry when i see you cry.
I cry even more when i know i don't have you anymore.

I long to see you smile at me once again.
I long even more to hold your hand in mine once again.
I long everyday to have you in my arms again.
I long each night to be able to talk to you again.

I want you to know this.
I hope you read this.
No matter what i say, it still doesn't change how i feel.
You have to know this, I Love You.

Moving on seems like such a mountain.
Yet it's a path i've been forced to take.
A journey long and hard, filled with cracks and pitfalls.
A journey to find the light again.

You could light my path once again, just as you did in the past.
You could smooth my way again, just as you did in times of old.
You could guide my footsteps, to prevent me falling.
You could carry me again on wings of love, that once held me so dear.

I guess i've to move on.
I've to live life without you.
I've to live life without being able to love you.
yet i'd be living a life without life's essence,
i'd be living a life without life's warmth,
I'd be living a life without life's love,
I'd be living life without you in it,
I wouldn't really be living at all.......